No, Gastic Bypass isnt the easy way out!!

So 2 years ago I met and fell in love with my boyfriend.  At the time, he told me that he was seperated and getting a divorce.  That was fine, he was living with his father so I thought and we would make it work.  The big issue was that we lived in two seperate towns in neighboring states.  We only lived like 30-45 miles away from one another but it was enough distance so he apparently could live a double life.  So the story goes, we dated for another 3-4 months and we decided he would move in with me.  I had met his daughter, and she had met my children.  Well I am at work one night and get a strange phone call from some woman claiming to be his wife, which I already he was married but seperated.  She proceeds to tell me that he had never really moved out and that they were not really seperated.  I was floored..  When I got home that morning, he begged me not to leave him and he kept telling me how much he loved me, yadda yadda yadda.  Now here it is 2 years later, we are still living together and he still isnt divorced.  I am ready to move on with my life without him I think…. It will be hard because my children have grown attached to him and I think that it is one of the reasons why I havent kicked him out sooner, but I cannot live my life like this anymore.  I want to get married and grow old with someone, not be someone’s mistress… 

Ok, so let me get down off of my soap box for alittle while and paint you all pretty little picture…  Me and my little brother grew up with alcoholic parents, not just one of them, but both of them.  We were never physically abused, but I was mentally and verbally abused and it is something that I have never forgotten.  I dont know if God is really testing me and my brother or what, but not only were our parents alcoholics, our grandparents were too.  And to add insult to injury, my brother and I are both police officers.  Do you know the statistics on becoming a alcoholic when you are a police officer?.  Well they are pretty darn high.  But to much amasement, not only to myself and everyone around us, we both hate alcohol.  We have both witnessed what it does to a person first hand and what it does to lives everyday out there on the road.  Its not pretty and its not a way that I want to live.  I just pray to God that when my children and my neice gets older, they want to touch the stuff either.  I have yet once in my life have had a positive experience with a drunk person.

Ok, so now I am more livid about the boyfriends daughter situation…  In a recent blog, I had stated that for some odd reason I just could not bond with this child who is 12 by the way.  But after today, I seem to understand alittle better why that I cannot.  My 14 year old son was at the house today, and he and my step daughter were goofing off downstairs with each other and he pushed her onto the bed.  Well she bumped her tailbone on something and from that point it was war with her.  It was an accident and he tried to apologize but she wasnt having any of it.  He came upstairs and he only had a tank top on and it looked like he had been mauled all over his chest and upper body where she had hit, scratched and beat the living day lights out of him.  I was beyond my point of loosing control with this child.  I had worked all night and was trying to sleep some before I had to come in tonight and she would not be quite.  I literally have had no sleep because of her in the last 2 nights.  By no means are my children perfect nor do they act it, but they do have manners and Zac knows not to hit a girl.  He is 14 and she is only 12 but she is way bigger than he is.  And this isnt the first time that she has laid her hands on my children and I finally told Zac to knock her lights out if she does it again and her daddy will just have to go through me when he gets mad about it.  But I am no longer going to let this child bully or hit my children.  I am done with it, I have ask him and ask him to talk to her, if he cant, then I will and she will not like what I have to say.  I honestly dont think that there is any hope for our relationship as step mother/step daughter…

Ok, call me a monster or unmotherly but I dont know what to do…  My boyfriend of two years has a 12 year old daughter by his first wife and I cant seem to bond with her.  I have three children of my own, so its not that I dont love children or understand them, its just that I cant bring myself to love her like my own.  Is that really bad of me?  And what does that say about the relationship between her father and I?..  She has been an only child for 11 years and now her father has come to live with me and my children and I really think that she is absolutly trying her hardest to drive a wedge between all of us.  She constantly is picking on my two younger girls, hitting them, or pinching them, or going into my sons room and will not get out when he ask her to because she says she doesnt have too.  God forbid that she even remotely has to pick up after herself or turn a tv off, because I think that both her hands are broken.  I dont know what to do anymore.  Its not just me, my children do not seem to like her.   I had been planning on taking two weeks off after Christmas so that I could relax and get my house clean and hang out with some of my friends.  I had made prior arrangements for all of my children to go to their dads after Christmas so I could have some me time.  His daughter came for Christmas also but instead of taking her home after a week, he wants her to stay and have me babysit while he works all day, so its not like he is going to get to spend any quality time with her.   WTF….  What about my time, what about the things I had planned.  I sent my children to their dads, why would I want to babysit his?..  I dont know!  I am at a lose as what to do or where to go from here anymore. 

Ok, so I have lost over 160 pds in the last three years.  But in the last six months I have gained nearly 20 pds back and I am so frustrated.  Why is it so easy to put on and so damn hard to keep it off.  And those 20 pds make my jean size go up almost 3 sizes, why?  Oh well, I am going to hit the gym harder and the pavment faster I suppose.  It is so hard though when you have 3 children and a crazy full time job where you have to switch days to nights and then nights to days.  My system can hardly keep up let alone my metabilism.  But come hell or high water, I am going to take those additional 20 pounds I have gained plus another 25 or so and be done.  I think that I gain ten pounds just by driving by McDonalds.  But here is to a new year, and to a new me, and I hope that everyone has a safe and happy new year. 

I am so sick of hearing how having the Gastric Bypass Surgery is the easy way out.  At nearly 400 pds and 32 years old, I didn’t forsee any other way out.  My father just passed away from a massive heart attack and my mother had both of breast removed two days after his funeral due to breast cancer.  What were my chances of living to see my children grow up?  I had to do something, and it had to been done NOW, or there would be no tomorrow.   For those of you how do not know about the weight loss surgery, the gastric bypass literly disects your insides and then they are completly rearranged.  The pain is pretty intense at first.  You can never again eat like you once did, which is a good thing because your stomache has went from the size of a football to the size of a egg.  But if your brain doesn’t tell your stomache that it is full, you will spend the next 30 minutes in the restroom having it come out at both ends. 

I constantly have to have blood work done and I constantly have to watch what I eat, I can no longer drink carbonated drinks or consume alot of sugar.  It is a small price to pay though on this road to becoming healthier not only for myself but for my children.  In the last three years I have lost over 170 pounds and its a struggle everyday not to put it back on.  But by all means, this has not been an easy road.